I got to thinking about cake

And men.... long story... and ended up googling grooms cake. NOT because I want to get married, just because I'd heard that grooms cakes were a Southern tradition shrouded in hillbilly goodness. YOU decide.

Presents, presents, everywhere

It's a dirty trick to start dating someone right in time for their birthday to hit. Just the kind of dirty pool I would try and use. But alas, in this case the opposite is true and Peter's birthday is fast approaching. Not only is it hard to figure out what to get someone you've only known a few weeks- but then how much to spend, how nice a present? And of course I had to pick a guy who's interests are about as common as my Japan obsession: stamps, butterflies, Marilyn Monroe, French bulldogs, firefighting, boxing..... I tried plugging combinations for the above into google AND eBay, you'd be surprised how few hits I got. The dog is Peter's pet, named Cigan (Seeee-gON), dressed to kill for fleet week. Hopefully Peter's other interests are not Judy Garland and Ms. Streisand.

Muffin Top

I spent 18 hours working this past Wednesday- and in the course of those 18 hours I managed to eat the equivalent of one cake. It was our production coordinator's birthday and one cupcake lead to another, lead to a slice of cake and 18 sugar crazed hours later I realized I'd hit rock bottom. True, I like to think I follow Mae West in believing "to much of a good thing is fabulous" (or never enough), but until I develop the metabolism of a Swedish super model I'm going to have to cut some corners. And so, much to my horror, I decided to go back on Weight Watchers. Not sure if I'll actually go to the meetings- but I have all the books and know the rules so I guess I'm back on WW in the mental sense vs. The "here's my $16, now weigh me in front of everybody" sense. Because he knows what to say the fellow I'm dating was quick to point out I didn't need to loose weight (bonus points Peter), but it's not really for anyone but me. I want to be able to fit into even my fat pants without a muffin top of fat pouring out- and hopefully going back on WW will lead to it.

HOLY CRAP I MADE THE MAIN PAGE OF GAWKER.COM!

That's right folks- go to the site whilst you still can and behold the stalkery goodness that is me! Let it be known I'm the one who didn't jump John Stewart!

Main Page

Gawker Map with my stalking

The Royal Taster

Requests for this gig keep getting weirder- today I was sent out for: a compass (at first we thought the kind of compass you draw circles with and then learned he meant the kind you use when you're lost in the woods), a stop watch, and of course a Quiznos Tropical ice tea. Our producer is obsessed with Quiznos iced tea- the tropical kind- and needs a daily fix like some people need a hit of crank. For those of you who know Quiznos, it's about three rungs down the ladder from Subway and their ice tea reflects this. When I was riddled with cancer and had to have catscans they would make me drink this nuclear white drink that was supposed to taste like creamsicle barf.
It tasted better then a tropical Quiznos ice tea.
Now I wouldn't have much to say on the topic of fetching ice tea if it didn't involve me tasting it each time. Hell I get coffee and tea all day long for everyone who asks. It's the whole tasting it thing that's starting to wear on me. See the class-act people over at Quiznos almost always mislabel the ice tea containers. This means that while the machine may SAY tropical it could really be regular. God forbid it's regular. So the only way to keep this from occuring is for me to actually pour a little into the cup and taste it. By producer's request I do this. Ah, the glamourous life of a PA!

Elizabethan Chic

Kawaii doesn't necessarily have to be sugar coated cute. In my world it means fashionable- uncontrollably cool and unique- and who was more this than Queen Elizabeth i? I have been reading her autobiography as well as "Sex with the Queen" (a book about the sometimes miserable lives of queens) and as a result have gone head first into an Elizabethan frenzy. Since I already own like 10 corsets and can't really get away with huge sweeping skirts, bustles, and crowns, why not try for Elizabethan jewelry? However, since the 1500's isn't the century du jour, I've had to poke around the internet quite a bit to find Elizabethan style gems- and most of the time they look cheap and cost a small fortune. But then today, as I assisted the stylist with her jewelry trove for the actresses I came across the most obscenely stunning and perfect mix of Elizabethan meets 2006 necklace! Just look at this stuff! Sea worthy nautical, Gothtastic skulls and fleur-de-le, and of course, badass kawaii Elizabethan chains and pearls that the old girl herself would of surely approved!

The top 10 foods I would most like to be buried alive in:

1. Chocolate covered strawberries
2. Rice krispy treats
3. Chicken fried rice
4. Powdered fried dough / Beignets
5. Pralines
6. Kraft Mac and Cheese
7. Corn Bread
8. Champagne truffles
9. Cream cheese
10. Junior's Cheese Cake

Yaaaawn

Being bored is sooo unkawaii. Especially when your roots are bad, you're feeling fat, and it's raining outside. But on the plus side I was the only one who had the foresight to buy a cup-o-noodle and not be starving at 6:30pm whilst the gaggle of 20 year old anorexics argue over which 18 year old anorexic should play the lead actress in their commercial. Boooooring!

A key to the city

A good PA will do anything. ANYTHING. Usually this means the very mundane- coffee, dry cleaning, pick ups at drug dealers. But today a producer hit me with a new request: get him a New York City key. His five year old daughter had lost a key she'd gotten as a souvenir when she'd come to NYC. All he could tell me was it looked like an old fashioned key, said "New York" and she'd gotten it at the Empire State building. Of course this comes second hand information- and from a five year old no less. Well I searched every crap I love NY shop on 34th street from the Garden to the Empire state building- I did everything but go up to the observatory- and the only thing I found even in a key SHAPE was a key chain. Luckily the producer liked it because it would've sucked to have to go into every crap shop in times square and keep looking!

Kawaii jewelry for the senses

Don't even try to lie and make like you never wanted to wear a big hunk of smelly pie around your neck since it's already decorating your thighs! Pancake Meow (gotta love the bad English) is selling realistic dessert jewelry that smells like the cake, cookies, and PB&J it resembles. Make your 8 year old niece burn with envy. Or just blame it on Harajuku and use them to pick up guys in bars- "hey want to smell the banana split pinned to my pocket? No, really."

pancake meow

Kawaii Plush

There is something very wrong with being over 12 years of age and loving cutie pie plush dolls. Unless your Japanese (or a Japanophile)- then it's perfectly acceptable (or at least less freaky to adore anything that's stuffed, colorful, and has huge eyes. I came accross Heidi Kenny's site today- Heidi is an artist who's medium is kawaii plush and they are so cute and pathetic it will just make you puke rainbows! ENJOY!

My Paper Crane

Double, double toil and trouble

They say bad things come in threes. As of today my three best female girlfriends are moving out of Manhattan- the city that apparently has no jobs for anyone in any capacity. Which is just so encouraging- let me tell you! I am beyond depressed... How come whenever I make good female friends they move away??!!

Crazy or awesome?

It's been a while since I've regaled you with something kawaii- but whilst searching the net today I came across a Hello Kitty Wedding dress!!!! I know it's awful I don't hate it... But if it's any consolation I probably wouldn't wear it!

A day that will live in infa-pee

A lot can happen in 24 hours. Take, for example, the movie job falling through. With my next three weeks suddenly left wide open I decided to plunge forth and pursue volunteering at Mt. Sinai by getting a urine test. Sounds simple enough no? Wrong, WRONG,WRONG. I showed up at Quest diagnostic center about 12:30. I didn't have to go in the worst way but enough came out- or so I thought. The gaggle of black and latina nurses promptly told me not only was it not enough, but that I was only allowed to pee three times, not allowed to leave the premises between bathroom trips or it would be void, and that I had to supply like a pint of pee. So I drank from the water cooler like I'd been in the desert ten weeks. After reading an old issue of Newsweek I thought "Yes finally I can pee". I pictured water falls and lakes- but still- the nurse took sick delight in informing me- not enough. It was now past 2 o'clock and all I could do was drink and play Tetris on my cell phone. I began to wonder if they'd ever taken such an interest in someone's pee before. With each session on the john they clearly came to believe I was some kind of crazed drug user trying to trick the pee test by underperforming. I almost made myself sick drinking do much water. Visions of that boy who died in a "hazing" accident when he got water poisoning from drinking to much flashed before me. FINALLY I felt like this was it. The nurses, shocked I was still there since clearly I was an insane druggie, had to inspect the bathroom before I went in this time. Not to mention telling me not to wash my hands or flush the toilet. Then they put a tablet in the toilet- clearly some kind of "this girl is a drug addicted liar" device that fizzed and turned the water blue. It all came out in a torrential down pour. The cup wasn't even enough to hold it. But this time when I presented them with my pee a new problem had arisen. The nurse had failed to mention that while drinking water would make me pee, it also diluted it, and therefore could make it totally worthless and I'd have to come in AGAIN. It was surreal having a group of people so interested in my urine- I don't know if I ever would put so much time and effort into someone else's sample. I also felt incredibly guilty because they kept giving me looks of "tsk tsk, lousy druggie". I kept trying to assure them I was a good person with honorable intentions, but they just looked at me like "yea, I heard THAT one before." By 3pm I left the clinic thoroughly dejected- I had no idea peeing could be this traumatic!

Yeah Yeah Yeahs!

Life is very random. One minute you're hiding in the Hamptons afraid of life and the next you're working 1rst team on the new Parker Posey movie and going to a Yeah Yeah Yeahs concert with some random fellow of Craigslist. The concert was Badass mainly because we waited like 3 flippin hours in the same choice spot. Once the show started people even offered me money but my starting price- $50- was not reached and I kept the spot. Karen O is a great performer, she came out in like a 1980's meets 1940's bathing suit with ripping stockings and her right hand encrusted with rhinestones. She played "maps" and a bunch of her other greatest. As for the job, well I'm on it for the next 3 weeks. It's so random! But whatever, while I'm waiting for something else this is pretty good.