Here are the great words of a great man: Abe Lincoln. And on this election day, a time when the phrase "those who do not know their history are doomed to repeat it" seems appallingly clear, has it never been more apparent that the reds and blues are divided- and we're all going to suffer as a result. I did my patriotic duty today and voted. I've voted in every election I've been allowed since I turned 18- and even though everyone who was running was a rich immoral bastard I knew it would be even more immoral to let to Republicans keep raping America. So I dragged my ass to the 29th district voting center.
Here's how I vote. It is tres unscientific. And I wish to share it with all the people who spend trillions of dollars figuring out how to get unemployed jerks like me to vote for rich jerks like them. I do one of three things.
1) If I've seen crap about you on the news I'm not voting for you. Killed your mistress? Done coke? You're an asshole- go to hell I'm not voting for you! So automatically unless your on the bill next to Satan, you don't have my vote.
2) You're republican (usually). This is not always the case. Sometimes if the republican is a woman or a Jew or their name sounds nicer then the Dem. they'll have my vote. That's right- watch what you name your kids because shmucks like me are influenced by it.
3) I like the sound of your name. Now I'm not repeating prior statement because "name" can mean many things. Personal tag true (Sam, Ben, Yolanda), but also PARTY name. Take today's example:
I hate everyone running in NY. It seems they're all corrupt and hate me more then I hate them. And they want MY VOTE? So I stepped into that booth wanting to do as little evil for my future as possible. Yea what can 1 vote do? But it's all the power I currently have and I'm molesting it. So I walk in the booth and I see Dem., Rep. (both jerks won't give them my vote) independent (same as Rep.), Green (I like SUV and fur, never going to happen), Socialist (I had a vague memory of hearing that socialists were bad so it was a no-go) and then- I shit you not- I saw the NAME. It was so perfect. I hope somebody go a raise for thinking it up. Probably not because I'd never heard of the party in my life which tells me it has no $$$. It was called the "Rent is the too high" party.
I loved it.
Their second platform could've been killing all first born, but who cared? Rent is to high! I agree! Can I give you 2 votes for creativity? Where can I buy a button? Who wouldn't vote for this party? As I left that booth confident I'd made the world a little better I came away with more than a new party affiliation but a historical truth:
Voting is KAWAII
